Wondering..
Unsure that I am doing things the right way.
By giving us a break, I thought that we can think things through and hopefully come up with a solution.
However, I’m greatly disappointed.
For the things that you “said”.
I do know what is going on in your life. I really do. Just that I refuse to comment does not mean that I do not care. I do not know what exactly is the coldness that you often speak of.
I do not know what to do now. Just waiting for tomorrow to come, giving myself the next 25 hours to think of nothing.
Protected: tears.
Protected: Brother..
Some thoughts…
Just had an emotional talk with mrBF. Was telling him about me going out on thursday with my juniors for kbox and dinner. He was not very happy about letting me go. And I can understand.
I know that he worries about me being snatched away by other guy/s (like yah right??). Because a similar incident happened before but that does not mean it will happen again.
Some may say that he is selfish but I will say that it is his lack of self-confidence at work. Therefore, I believe that a heart-to-heart is required at this moment. That was what we did exactly. I hope that I manage to regain some of those confidence after the talk.
Smelly Bii Bii,
Remember what I told you just now? You will always be the one I love. All these gatherings and camps only serve one purpose. And you know what is it. Have faith in me k. I love you.
Xiang Bii Bii.
Sorry..
Am at mrBF’s place now. Did something wrong on wednesday. Disappointed mrBF till the point that he does not have trust in me anymore. Really sorry to mrBF. I really did not do it with ill intention.
Luckily, he has already forgiven me and all is fine now. Really has learnt a lot from this incident. Learnt that mrBF is indeed, the best-est boyfriend a girl can has, and, I have to grow up. Have to take responsibility for my own actions.
mrBF, I am really sorry for being the disappointment that I was, but I promise that I will learn from this mistake, and behave myself and be the best girlfriend that any boy can has. Remember our promises? The future that we dream of? I will work hard with you to make that dream becomes a reality. =D
Forgetting…
You said that you were not ready to commit. Yet you asked if I was serious when I asked you to be my boyfriend. You sounded disappointed when I said I was just kidding. What exactly is it that you want?
I am forgetting. Forgetting how you look like.
Jerk!
Besides feeding me with the same lies again and again, what else can you do?!!!
Emo shit.
Why didn’t you stop me.. Why didn’t you say that you love me? Why didn’t you clarify everything properly with me then? Why didn’t you attempt to come back? So many whys.. All without answers.. Will be left unanswered forever..
Did you really love me then? Did you love me as deeply as I did to you?Did you think that the world will end if I ever leave you? Did you.. at all..
I felt like dying when things happen all of a sudden.. I was the 3rd party, unknowingly..
Today, you came back into my life. After a 1.5 yrs hiatus. You just waltz in. With a simple hi. Into my heart once again. I want to shut that door that you slammed in my place then. I wanna keep it tightly shut. But, my fingers refuse to do my bidding. They wanna find out how have you been. How are you and your new girlfriend. Apparently, you told me you guys are taking a break, broke up. Can I believe you, like I once did, naively?
Are you trying to toy with my feelings, like you once did, 1.5 yrs ago? Or, are you trying to be friendly once again?
I don’t even remember how I got to know you.. just that, we got along really well. You were with Kim then, and you guys broke up. U picked me up from my workplace one day. We went for lunch. or is it dinner?
We had fun, unlike strangers. because we already knew each other from the numerous phone calls and conversations online. Though that was the first time we met, i knew u were the one for me. We got together on that very day. That was silly of me, isnt it? to entrust myself to a stranger, like u.
U made me feel like a princess, a real princess. always pampering me, giving in to me and always being there for me, even though you couldnt really click with my frens. I really thanked you for all those happy memories.
but the pain you brought with you and inflicted on me… has yet to heal.. and i doubt will ever.. i still miss u now and then.. good thing is, we dont have common frens so.. things are not that complicated..
by coming back into my life now.. what are you trying to do/say?
my fragile heart cannot take the pain once more.. i will simply die from the pain.. pls.. stay far away from me.. if you are bringing me pain yet again…
My tears will not be shed for you again.
Rants..
Do I still love you?
Or is it just memories of the sweet sweet past we had?
Or is it just the longing for someone to be there for me?
I can never understand.
How did we end up like this in the first place?
Is it you that I yearn?
Or just another someone I can give my overflowing love to?
Heart vs Brain
He’s back.
Again.
This time, a casual hi did it all.
The flutter in the stomach is back.
I deleted him off the MSN account,
but did not block.
Did not know that he still has mine.
I told myself this 1.5 yrs ago.
I am not going to let him come back into my life.
Not even as a friend.
But somehow,
my fingers just automatically hit the reply button.
Sometimes, the heart just overrule the brain.
