Reflections III
So, I may seem like a clown to some people, especially those from school. It could be due to my happy-go-lucky attitude in school.
I really wonder sometimes, how many people knows the real me. The girl who cries at night when she faces difficulties that she cannot solve? The girl with all the insecurities about herself which she has told no one about?
I know that it is not my friends who are to blame. But myself.
Daddy once taught me:
Never reveal everything to anyone. No matter how close you are. Otherwise, you will be the one to suffer in the end.
I have learnt that, and learn it well.
I have seen how people exploit other’s trust and used it against them.
It happened on me before.
Remembering the times in secondary school, I thought I had found the best friends of my life, friends who will stick with me throughout, attend my wedding in the years to come, my child’s birthdays and my funeral. It was not to be.
Things happen and things change. Some people are so ruthless. The moment you turn, they attack you from behind.
I have forgiven them though. But, I have no wish to make up. I do not see the point in being a hypocrite. I do not dislike the person does not necessary mean that I like the person. I would choose to avoid the person to prevent another round of unhappiness.
I do believe in forgive and forget, however I do not believe in, starting all over again. Things that happened once and again had demoralized me a lot in that department.
By not letting people know all about me, maybe even my future husband, it is a way of protecting myself, just human instinct I guess.
However, I am glad that I have still have friends whom I believe that I can count on.
Christina: She stuck with me since our Secondary school days. Regardless of all the stupid arguments, numerous fights, and distance, we are still the best buddies. Though we do not meet up often, we still make an effort to stay in contact. That is what I call, best buddy.
Yu Zhuang: I would not have known this lass if I did not go to Pioneer for 1st 3 months. A friend who is fiercely protective of her friends. Though we do not have any fights yet, we do have disagreements sometimes. One who is always too lazy to reply messages and perpetually late for appointments and blur, but still, my bestest friend.
Robin: I only know of his existence through Yuz even though he lives in the next block. Someone who is very knowledgeable and active. We might not be close friends but he is still, always there for me, when the computer-idiot faces trouble with her computer. A very good mahjong kaki plus best neighbour.
Zhi Hao: Friends for few years. Been through shit together. Almost like a couple just lack of chemistry. Been tasked with listening to me pour out my woes at all times of the day. Always there for me, no matter how whinny or mean I am towards him.
Jason: Known him for 3 years. Tutor for 1 year. Listened to my shit and vice versa. Gave me good advices and crappy ones too. Ambitious. Always the one who ask me out, when he is bored, or when I am feeling lousy. Best tutor.
.: Having few true friends beats having many hi-bye friends :.
